Wednesday, August 27, 2008


The finest of sports
Brings out the finest of men
On the finest drugs.

I, like most of you, I imagine, am going through severe Olympics withdrawal. I keep waking up in the middle of the night, longing for some steeplechase or synchronized diving. I want to see a war-torn Bob Costas delivering his seventeenth straight hour of dealing with Bela Karolyi. I need just one more Saturday afternoon watching one person's dreams get crushed while another person's dreams come true. I think we all need that.

To make matters worse, I just found out that two Chinese boys had the luxury of driving radio-controlled cars to transport javelins, shot puts, and discuses (disci?) around the track and field stadium. Why NBC didn't devote an entire day to those two lucky kids is beyond me. Had I known that during the track and field events, these tiny vehicles were tearing it up on the grassy lawn in the middle of the stadium, I would have purchased a Tivo just to make sure I caught all of their cameos on national television. I've already mailed out my application to be an RC car driver for the 2012 Olympics in London. It's my Olympic dream.

Anywho, I should be off. I've got an appointment to get the Olympic rings tattooed onto my chest. I need to show London that I'm dedicated to my dream. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
'Misleading' U.K. iPhone Ad Pulled
The U.K.'s Advertising Standards Authority has banned an iPhone ad because the agency said the claim that the handset can access "all parts of the Internet" is misleading due to the lack of Flash and Java support.
The commercial in question shows a person using the touch screen to flick through various Web pages.
"You never know which part of the Internet you'll need," A voiceover in the ad said. "The 'do you need sun cream' part? The 'what's the quickest way to the airport' part? The 'what about an ocean view room' part? Or the 'can you really afford this' part? Which is why all the parts of the Internet are on the iPhone."
Two viewers complained that the ads were misleading because the handset does not have Flash or Java support, which are integral to popular sites like YouTube.
The banned ad has been replaced by another commercial featuring a person using the touch screen to flick through various adult Web pages.
"You know exactly which part of the Internet you'll need," A voiceover in the ad said. "The 'pictures of naked ladies' part. Which is why all that part of the Internet is on the iPhone. Screw Java support. We've got boobies."
Sales of the iPhone have since quadrupled since the new ad was released.



Psst! Tomorrow is jam-packed with activity that will leave me no time to blog. Apologies. I'll leave it up to you to read Google News and craft your own jokes.

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