Friday, August 29, 2008

Distractionism!

A wave of maple,
An assault of buttermilk:
Pancake invasion!

We've made it to Friday. According to the fine doctors and mid-wives at the local hospital, this just might be the last child-free Friday of my life. I fear that I'm going to spend the rest of this day just trying to wrap my head around that.

What I need is a distraction. I'll be consumed by baby stuff soon enough - it doesn't need to start quite yet. Instead, let us look to the internets to find items of interest and intrigue...

- It's not often that one can get excited over a faucet. It's not as though we all look forward to cleaning dishes and/or our teeth. However, it is easy to get excited for a samurai sword, as we all look forward to slicing the limbs off our opponents. Fortunately, someone has realized that the samurai sword could help the faucet's poor reputation and has introduced the samurai sword faucet. Of course, if I ever installed this faucet, I'd have to figure out how to dye my water supply blood red...

- If there was room for a car seat in it, I'd certainly by this working model of Luke Skywalker's landspeeder. Sadly, no matter how cool it looks, I don't think the wife would take kindly to me strapping the kid to the hood.

- Speaking of babies, isn't it unfair that we have to cart them around from here to there without any sort of payment? Well, that parental slavery is coming to an end with the introduction of Dad's Cab, which is a toy taxi meter that rewards the driver by giving the passengers different chores in exchange for motoring them around. You can't spell "family" without "reciprocation."

Oh, crap. I went and babied this missive right up, didn't I? Well, I'd better stop before it gets any worse. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke. It's as un-baby as can be.
Stowaway Afghan spider kills family dog
The family of a British soldier serving in Afghanistan has been forced from their home after a poisonous spider hitched a ride back with him and apparently killed their pet dog.
Lorraine Griffiths told the East Anglian Daily Times that the spider appeared after her husband, Rodney, returned from a four-month tour of duty in Helmand province, the arid southern Afghan frontline in the fight against Taliban extremists.
She said their pet dog Cassie confronted the creature, which they identified on the Internet as a camel spider, but ran out whimpering when it hissed at her.
"It seems too much of a coincidence that she died at the same time that we saw the spider," she said.
The desert-dwelling camel spider, actually an insect rather than an arachnid, can run up to 25 kilometers (15 miles) an hour and reach 15 centimeters (6 inches) in length. Its bite is not deadly to humans but can kill small animals
Lorraine Griffiths and her three children, aged 18, 16, and 4, moved out of their house in Colchester, southeast England, and are refusing to return until the spider is apprehended, the UK Press Association reported.
The spider, nicknamed "Ospider bin Laden", is assumed to have taken up residence in deep recesses of the Griffiths' home. The US military has sent in several hundred troops to find and exterminate the bug and will continue to occupy the house for years on end to make sure no other camel spiders attempt an attack on the family.

Yay!

Bonus!

McCain picks Alaska gov as running mate.
John McCain tapped little-known Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to be his vice presidential running mate on Friday in a startling selection on the eve of the Republican National Convention.
While McCain's camp is saying that McCain picked Palin because they want to make a very strong bid for the women whom they see up for grabs, others are saying that McCain picked the female governor because he "just wants to drill the governor's 'wildlife reserves'."


Huzzah!


Monday? Tuesday?

Soon!

7 comments:

Julie Blaha said...

The Republicans have told us for years that affirmative action is flawed because unqualified minorities will be chosen for jobs over better qualified majority applicants. So, picking an inexperienced woman over several experienced, qualified men is wrong - unless you are a desperate presidential candidate.

Seriously, this woman is nothing more than an oil-soaked Michele Bachmann. I think McCain just transferred from the Straight Talk Express to the Toboggan Ride to Crazy Town.

Joe Ferrari! said...

"Toboggan Ride to Crazy Town"
That's hysterical. I hope McCain starts using that for the rest of the election season.

Fred said...

Toboggan Ride to Crazy Town is an Ozzy album, if I'm not mistaken.

What I was originally going to comment about, though, is that the existence of the camel spider flies in the face of my belief in a just and loving god. That fucker Nels Lennes informed me of it a few years ago, and shared the story, which I recommend googling, about a group of American soldiers trying to kill one of the disgusting things with a shovel.

Joe Ferrari! said...

I've seen that video and can vouch for its disgustingness.

LRM said...

I am choosing not to google that video and I am proud of myself for it.

I like the Michele Bachmann analogy, though I was thinking more a 'Harriet Meyers for the Pepsi generation'.

angellam said...

I enjoy the fact that the dad cab calls kids blood-sucking children. I can only imagine the inventor has teenagers.

I'll give you the best advice I got before Claire was born...and I'm guessing you've heard it too but it is so true...sleep now because you'll never sleep again. :)

Tori Tomalia said...

Best of luck with the labor and beyond! Jason and I had our baby on 8/18 and little Zander is amazing. I hope your labor experience goes as smoothly as ours. And to tell you the truth, I'm sleeping better now than I was during the final weeks of the pregnancy!

Good luck, and enjoy it!
Tori Tomalia