Friday, August 7, 2009


The easiest way
To reach any young man's heart
Is made with lasers.

Here we are on the eve of another series of molestations of my childhood. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is upon us and, for those that grew up watching the cartoon, these next few nights will be filled with constant weeping. When I was but a boy, I had my favorite Joes. Each of my friends did. Each of the Joes had unique knowledge and abilities that made them an essential part of the team. Some personal faves included the always-balaclavaed Beach Head, the bazooka-toting Zap (because bazookas go "zap"?) and the well-protected Grand Slam who, according to Wikipedia, is "intelligent and loves to read escapist fantasy." Of course he does, Wikipedia.

However, for some inexplicable reason, the movie has removed these individual traits and outfits, instead having all of the Joes wear super bionic suits that give them the ability to... fly through buildings and bounce off cars? Sure, the characters still have their trademark names, but there's not going to be some fella in a sailor suit with a parrot on his shoulder hanging out in the background. And that, my friends, is a travesty. If there's one thing that set G.I.Joe apart from the other cartoons, it was the broad diversity of the soldiers. It was the most dangerous rainbow coalition. Now... now it's just another action movie. That makes me sad. If you're going to steal your ideas from mid-80's cartoon programming, Hollywood, it would do you well to stick to the source material.

That being said, I still might see this movie on opening weekend. Knowing is half the battle. The other half, I guess, is ignoring what you know.

A side note! Two movies are opening this weekend: G.I. Joe and A Perfect Getaway. The trailers for both movies claim thy will "blow me away." I hope that these movies are playing across from each other, and the ushers have to clean a pile of blown-away movie-goers from the hallway every two hours.

In other news, Ferrari McSpeedy's return to Fringe has been exciting and fresh, and will be ending with quite the bang. We're bringing Punk Rock Omaha back for one show only on Sunday at 1pm at the Rarig Center Thrust. As an added bonus, we're not changing it one bit from its 2002 incarnation. Take that, Hollywood!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Five cups of coffee
Drunk not consecutively
But concurrently.

'Tis late in the eve, yet I have forgone posting a missive for several nights already. The drought ends now! Words, pour forth!

- The Fringe festival is well underway. Mike and I have performed Comedy Go! twice now. The first one was good and fun. The second one was even more so. If this trend continues, our fifth show on Sunday afternoon will be so good and fun that it'll feel like Jesus camp. Appropriate? Most likely.

- Sophie the baby has taken in recent weeks to crawling, which is a larger lifestyle change for the wife and me than just having a baby. The other weekend, I spent countless hours taking CDs from their normal resting place (askew on the entertainment center shelves) into their new homes inside a multitude of white boxes that are now placed non-askewly on the entertainment center shelves. The process took so long mostly because I put the CDs into alphabetical order, a punishment that I wouldn't wish upon my worst frenemy. Since I completed the task of organizing and storing the CDs, I have since found rogue CDs hidden in various locales around my house: under chairs, on random bookshelves, in the tank of out toilet... If there's one thing I've learned from this whole episode: never organize your things.

- If you cut hair for a living and you notice that your customer's ear has a bit of fuzz growing on it, you should ASK before just buzzing it off. Maybe he was growing that for a reason.

- R2 D2 is back, in boom-box form. See, folks? This is "art." Are we clear?

- It's bedtime.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


It's not the flavor
That always leaves us wanting;
It's the memory.

In a scant couple of days, I'll be returning to the Fringe Festival with the other half of Ferrari McSpeedy in an all-improvised show called "Comedy Go!" It's been a while since I've participated in the Fringe Fest, and I am... how should I put this... "jazzed." There's a certain attraction to the Fringe - perhaps it's the multitude of D.I.Y. shows that explode around town, or the looks on the faces of audience members that just saw a show that they were not expecting to see, or just the increased chances of running into Leslie Ball. Whatever it is, it's almost upon us, and that's quite agreeable.

You know what else is agreeable? The fat that blue M&Ms might prevent spinal injury. It's a fact! I'm glad that a possible solution to the health care crisis might involve increased candy consumption. With news like this, the U.S. might go from the fattest nation in the world to the most health conscious without a single change in habits.

More on the Fringe and other assorted funneries tomorrow.


P.S. - If you're on the Twitter, I recommend following Why not?

Monday, July 27, 2009


The sun settles low
And as shadows creep along
A year passes by.

The other day, President Obama was sworn in...

Wait a minute! That happened half a year ago!

Apologies for the complete lack of blogging. I am destined to return to it. Starting now. Well, mayhaps starting tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


The masses gather -
Swarming the Capitol lawns
And pooping freedom.

Well, we've finally made it to (and beyond!) the day that we all (or most) have been waiting for: the inauguration of Barack Obama. I, like a true Patriot, watched the inauguration live on three different television channels - you know: to limit the amount of bias from a single-station news-viewing. I drank nothing but Americanos and ate nothing but Freedom Fries for the entire day. I finally got around to drilling many holes in many pieces of wood. It was truly a great Inauguration Day.

There was one thing that had me a little sad about the day's events, however. It seemed as though the millions of people watching in Washington DC (and at various locales throughout the US - thank you, news outlets, for showing me how other regular people watched the inauguration) had a case of Obama-fever. That's all well and good, except for the fact that the crowd was unresponsive to anything that wasn't Obama related. Jimmy Carter's introduction? Met with silence. The appearance of the Bush twins? No response. Joe Biden's oath of office? Nothing but shrugs and sighs. If it wasn't Barack-related, it didn't deserve the crowd's attention. I felt bad, mostly for Joe Biden, that the President's rockstar status overshadowed the rest of the pomp and circumstance. Yeah, he's great and all, but there are a few other people doing things, people. Let's take note of them too.

Or don't. Whatev.

Anywho, I should be off. I need to bake a batch of cupcakes for all the new Congresspeople. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
On Day One, Obama orders new ethics rules, summons military, economic chiefs to White House
In a Day One burst of activity, President Barack Obama stepped into the Oval Office for the first time as chief executive Wednesday, summoned advisers to begin dealing with war and recession and ordered new ethics rules for "a clean break from business as usual."
Obama also froze salaries for top White House staff, placed calls to Mideast leaders and had aides circulate a draft executive order that would close the detention center at Guantanamo Bay within a year.
According to most experts, we can expect the next five days to be filled with incredible activity from the Obama White House. On the seventh day, he will rest.