Tuesday, May 27, 2008


Smoke wafts from the meat,
The sizzling fire crackles,
Our loins are ablaze.

Wowzers! What a weekend that was, huh? Since Thursday, I saw Indiana Jones, went to three different bar-be-ques, tried to make part of my back yard grow grass instead of mud, fixed the myriad of leaks under my kitchen sink, competed in a foot race of an undetermined length, and watched a show on the History Channel about the battle at Midway in honor of the Memorial Day holiday. In other words, I could not have shoved anymore fun into the holiday weekend if I had a shoe horn and a confetti gun. I can only hope that your weekend was half as action-packed as mine.

Let's hit some specifics like a basketball star hits nothing but net!

Indiana Jones! I'm not going to go too far into detail here as even though it grossed over $100 million since opening, you might not have contributed to this particular Harrison Ford retirement fund. Anywho, the middle of the movie (a good 75% of it) was fantastic. It was nearly everything a decent Indy movie should have been. However, the beginning portion of the movie was disappointing. From terrible CGI animals to Indy witnessing an explosion that should have melted his face like a Nazi with the Ark of the Covenant, the first twenty minutes of the movie were bad. Really bad. If you haven't gone yet, just show up late. Trust me, it will be OK.
In the end, Indy gets a FOTi. Honestly, if you and I have a conversation about the film, you'll hear me go on and on about the many issues I had with the film and you'll wonder why I gave it anything above an Fo. However, it's Indiana Jones. By nature, I can't give it anything lower than a FOTi. And really, that 75% that's good is really good.
Next topic!

B-B-Q's! Between a bachelor, a brother, and a co-worker with a birthday, this weekend was chock-full of outdoor grilling. Usually, the wife and I kick off the "unofficial start of summer" with a cook-out, but ours has been delayed to next Sunday. To whet my grilling appetite, I ended up doing a good amount of grilling at yesterday's bar-be-que. I cooked, for the first time ever, shrimp-ke-bobs and chicken wings. Well, technically, I cooked most of the chicken wings. There was one that made it through partially uncooked. Sorry Bobby. I hope you're not confined to the poop room all day long...

Yard work! Who wants to read about that?
Next topic!

Leaks! All I have to say about this is that Plumber's Putty is the greatest thing in the world. I'm using that on every home-remodeling project I come across.
Next topic!

Foot races!
After eating two turkey burgers and drinking a Coke, I and several other meat-laden friends decided to run around a lake to determine who could run around the lake on a full stomach the fastest. First guesses put the length of the race at about a quarter-mile. After running it, it seemed much closer to three-quarters. Fortunately, I've kept my body in such good condition that I ran the whole thing without wanting to die, and afterwards, I showed no signs of being on the verge of passing out.
Wait. Both of those things are wrong...
I need to stop competing in foot races.
Next topic!

Battle 360! This show on the History Channel retells the wars of our past with computer graphics and interviews with those that were there. It's so captivating that the wife and I spent an hour learning about the US fleets meeting the Japanese fleets at Midway. The computer graphics were used to map out the battle as it took place, and the interviews gave the show a humanity that made it all the more engaging. If you have the History Channel, I'd recommend giving Battle 360 a look-see.
Next topic!

Special bonus! Have you been wondering what Sinbad has been up to since Jingle All The Way? If you watched television last night, you might have been treated to his latest escapades! Sinbad hosted the 9th(!) Annual Movie Trailer Awards! Yes, your favorite actor from Houseguest spent his Memorial Day giving awards to people that condense movies into two-minute long commercials. Some stars shine so bright.
Next topic!

South metro students in trouble for T-shirt's naughty message
A naughty pun on a T-shirt has the junior class at Eagan High School in hot water.
School administrators have sent an e-mail to families objecting to the message on T-shirts ordered by juniors. It says: "Kiss Our Class Goodbye" -- 09.
The administrators say the students who proposed the shirt were told before ordering that it was improper.
"This is reminiscent of the 'Kiss our Class Goodbye' t-shirt scandal of 2007," said one Eagan High School administrator. "And of 2006. And 2005. And 2004. Now that I think about it, these kids order these shirts every year. Damn kids."
Those that wear the t-shirts to school will be asked to remove the shirts and don instead a woolen suit, top hat and monocle. "We'll give these kids some class to kiss goodbye," the administrator said.



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