Friday, May 16, 2008


Three days of promise,
A weekend that holds our dreams,
Let's bathe in donuts.

We've made it to another Friday. This weekend is different from the others. Please don't make fun of this weekend - it's not nice to do that.
What makes this weekend different? Well, tonight, there's a performance of The Brave New Workshop At 50, but that makes it similar to the past dozen weekends. There's also a Punch Out! at 11 pm tonight at the BNW (wherein you can watch Sir Laffs A Lot battle Mitch, an improvisational sight worth seeing), but again, we've seen Punch Out!s before.
Perhaps it's not Friday, but later into the weekend that's so darned special...
Tomorrow, Mr. and Mrs. Fred will be moving from an apartment to a house. That's pretty special, although people have moved before, so really, it's not that special.
Could the excitement be on Sunday? Let's take a look at the old calendar...
On Sunday, Improv A Go Go celebrates it's sixth anniversary, and Ferrari McSpeedy will be performing. That's never happened before. That must be it! That's what makes this weekend so great! I can't wait!
I think the best way to pass the time between now and Sunday's Go Go is to check out the BNW show, attend Punch Out! and help someone move. Before you know it, Go Go will be all over you like a teenager is all over a half-drunk can of Old Style left over from his parent's "adult party" the night before.


In other news, there's a new brand of snack chip on the market. This chip, much like this weekend, is different. How? Well, this chip (called ENGOBI*) is infused with caffeine! Why? Because when you're vegging out, watching television and trying to relax, there's no reason you shouldn't be ingesting tons and tons of caffeine, sending your body tons of unnecessary energy that you could use to get up off the couch and go for a run, but will instead be used to send your organs into fits that lead to your premature death. Wait. No. That's not why. Let's take at the ENGOBI "About Us" page:
Hi. My name is Bill. I'm the guy who writes this stuff for ENGOBI. It's a pretty cool gig, and I get all of the ENGOBI I can eat. Amanda, my boss, told me to write the "About Us" page for the website. I told her that nobody really reads that crap, but I didn't get very far.
I don't know what to tell you. I mean if you look at the bag it says "Energy Go Bites", and "Infused with Caffeine". That pretty much tells about ENGOBI. Except that it tastes great and gets you wired.
I used to drink those little energy drinks. But my first day on the job here, I stole a sample bag of ENGOBI from my boss' office and ate it. I got so juiced up. I mean it was intense. Then I found out that ENGOBI has 70% more caffeine than those little energy drinks. Dude, that was all I needed to know.

Hmm. No answers here. In fact, there aren't any reasons given for this product's existence anywhere on the site. Now that I think about it, the people that make ENGOBI might actually be trying to kill their customers. Perhaps they've taken Darwin's theories of natural selection to the next step: if you're silly enough to think you need to eat caffeine chips to stay alive and alert, then you deserve the possibly-fatal strain on your heart that the chips will deliver. Now that I think about it, ENGOBI could very well stand for "ENsure Genius Organisms Best Idiots." That's not too far of a stretch, is it?
If you see ENGOBI chips at your local market, stay away. Let the scourge of society feast upon them, and wait until their hearts explode in their garden apartments in front of their PlayStation 360's. It's all part of a larger plan, and dude, that's all you need to know.

I should be off. I need to enjoy the heck out of this day. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
Woodbury man charged with starting fire on NWA flight
A 19-year-old Woodbury man has been charged with allegedly setting a fire in the restroom during a Compass Airlines flight from Minneapolis to Regina, Saskatchewan.
Eder H. Rojas was arrested Wednesday night in Minneapolis and was charged Thursday morning in federal court. The U.S. attorney's office for North Dakota will prosecute the case.
According to a criminal complaint, Rojas, a flight attendant, started a fire in the bathroom of the May 7 flight.
Flight 2040 made an emergency landing in Fargo. None of the 72 passengers or four crew members was injured.
Rojas did not give a reason for setting the fire, although he had marshmallows and graham cracker crumbs all over his face and shirt.



* ENGOBI stands for "ENergy GO BItes. Brilliant.

Psst! This lap-top case is great!

No comments: