Tuesday, April 29, 2008


The streets will run red
With the blood of innocents.
Virtual madness!

If you reside deep within the city of Nerdom, as I sometimes do, you might know that today marks the release date of Grand Theft Auto IV for the Xbox 360 and PS3. GTA is, in a few words, an open-ended virtual world that celebrates life (and the violent ending of), liberty (of people from their cars) and the pursuit of happiness (via prostitutes.) It's a game of vices and the exploration thereof. It's an immersion of the self into a base life that reveals truths you probably wouldn't and shouldn't want to confront. And it's in my living room. The rest of today will not be spent enjoying the return of the lovely spring weather. Today will be spent with my back to the outside world and my eyes focused on my avatar, running around a pretend metropolis with a rocket launcher and a penchant for making cars into low-flying aircraft. I don't ask you to understand. I just ask you to accept it.

Besides, I had enough "outside time" last night. The BNW Skirt Turtles played another game of softball. By the end of the game, I was bruised, bloody and broken. Heck, that was the end of the first inning. A terrible slide into second resulted in a large chunk of skin leaving my leg. I wish I could say that the slide resulted in a run being scored and that the Skirt Turtles won by a large margin, but that would be a tremendous lie on several levels. However, the last couple of innings showed a Skirt Turtle team that had some true softball-playing talent. I think that after seven or eighteen more games, we might actually win one.

Anywho, I should be off. My trigger finger is itchy. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
Raccoon blamed for expensive power failure in southeastern Minnesota
A wayward raccoon is being blamed for an expensive power failure that struck a handful of small towns near Rochester, Minn., last night and lasted until well into the morning.
Lewiston, Stockton, Utica, Wyattville, Altura and rural areas in between all lost electricity to varying degrees starting at about 9 p.m. Monday, said Lewiston Fire Chief Charlie Matzke and a utility spokesman.
Upon hearing this news, President Bush called a press conference this morning to blame the struggling economy on a small family of chipmunks that had been secretly feeding on consumer confidence for the past few months. Similarly, according to Bush, the on-going struggle in Iraq has actually been the result of rogue badgers with tiny little rocket-propelled grenades.
The White House plans to address these new adorable threats with extreme force.



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