It's not the flavor
That always leaves us wanting;
It's the memory.
In a scant couple of days, I'll be returning to the Fringe Festival with the other half of Ferrari McSpeedy in an all-improvised show called "Comedy Go!" It's been a while since I've participated in the Fringe Fest, and I am... how should I put this... "jazzed." There's a certain attraction to the Fringe - perhaps it's the multitude of D.I.Y. shows that explode around town, or the looks on the faces of audience members that just saw a show that they were not expecting to see, or just the increased chances of running into Leslie Ball. Whatever it is, it's almost upon us, and that's quite agreeable.
You know what else is agreeable? The fat that blue M&Ms might prevent spinal injury. It's a fact! I'm glad that a possible solution to the health care crisis might involve increased candy consumption. With news like this, the U.S. might go from the fattest nation in the world to the most health conscious without a single change in habits.
More on the Fringe and other assorted funneries tomorrow.
-Joe
P.S. - If you're on the Twitter, I recommend following twitter.com/RexHardjaw. Why not?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Returnination!
The sun settles low
And as shadows creep along
A year passes by.
The other day, President Obama was sworn in...
Wait a minute! That happened half a year ago!
Apologies for the complete lack of blogging. I am destined to return to it. Starting now. Well, mayhaps starting tomorrow.
And as shadows creep along
A year passes by.
The other day, President Obama was sworn in...
Wait a minute! That happened half a year ago!
Apologies for the complete lack of blogging. I am destined to return to it. Starting now. Well, mayhaps starting tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Inaugurating!
The masses gather -
Swarming the Capitol lawns
And pooping freedom.
Well, we've finally made it to (and beyond!) the day that we all (or most) have been waiting for: the inauguration of Barack Obama. I, like a true Patriot, watched the inauguration live on three different television channels - you know: to limit the amount of bias from a single-station news-viewing. I drank nothing but Americanos and ate nothing but Freedom Fries for the entire day. I finally got around to drilling many holes in many pieces of wood. It was truly a great Inauguration Day.
There was one thing that had me a little sad about the day's events, however. It seemed as though the millions of people watching in Washington DC (and at various locales throughout the US - thank you, news outlets, for showing me how other regular people watched the inauguration) had a case of Obama-fever. That's all well and good, except for the fact that the crowd was unresponsive to anything that wasn't Obama related. Jimmy Carter's introduction? Met with silence. The appearance of the Bush twins? No response. Joe Biden's oath of office? Nothing but shrugs and sighs. If it wasn't Barack-related, it didn't deserve the crowd's attention. I felt bad, mostly for Joe Biden, that the President's rockstar status overshadowed the rest of the pomp and circumstance. Yeah, he's great and all, but there are a few other people doing things, people. Let's take note of them too.
Or don't. Whatev.
Anywho, I should be off. I need to bake a batch of cupcakes for all the new Congresspeople. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
On Day One, Obama orders new ethics rules, summons military, economic chiefs to White House
In a Day One burst of activity, President Barack Obama stepped into the Oval Office for the first time as chief executive Wednesday, summoned advisers to begin dealing with war and recession and ordered new ethics rules for "a clean break from business as usual."
Obama also froze salaries for top White House staff, placed calls to Mideast leaders and had aides circulate a draft executive order that would close the detention center at Guantanamo Bay within a year.
According to most experts, we can expect the next five days to be filled with incredible activity from the Obama White House. On the seventh day, he will rest.
Huzzah!
Swarming the Capitol lawns
And pooping freedom.
Well, we've finally made it to (and beyond!) the day that we all (or most) have been waiting for: the inauguration of Barack Obama. I, like a true Patriot, watched the inauguration live on three different television channels - you know: to limit the amount of bias from a single-station news-viewing. I drank nothing but Americanos and ate nothing but Freedom Fries for the entire day. I finally got around to drilling many holes in many pieces of wood. It was truly a great Inauguration Day.
There was one thing that had me a little sad about the day's events, however. It seemed as though the millions of people watching in Washington DC (and at various locales throughout the US - thank you, news outlets, for showing me how other regular people watched the inauguration) had a case of Obama-fever. That's all well and good, except for the fact that the crowd was unresponsive to anything that wasn't Obama related. Jimmy Carter's introduction? Met with silence. The appearance of the Bush twins? No response. Joe Biden's oath of office? Nothing but shrugs and sighs. If it wasn't Barack-related, it didn't deserve the crowd's attention. I felt bad, mostly for Joe Biden, that the President's rockstar status overshadowed the rest of the pomp and circumstance. Yeah, he's great and all, but there are a few other people doing things, people. Let's take note of them too.
Or don't. Whatev.
Anywho, I should be off. I need to bake a batch of cupcakes for all the new Congresspeople. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
On Day One, Obama orders new ethics rules, summons military, economic chiefs to White House
In a Day One burst of activity, President Barack Obama stepped into the Oval Office for the first time as chief executive Wednesday, summoned advisers to begin dealing with war and recession and ordered new ethics rules for "a clean break from business as usual."
Obama also froze salaries for top White House staff, placed calls to Mideast leaders and had aides circulate a draft executive order that would close the detention center at Guantanamo Bay within a year.
According to most experts, we can expect the next five days to be filled with incredible activity from the Obama White House. On the seventh day, he will rest.
Huzzah!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Snowlimate!
Let us go sledding
Right from the snowy hill's peak
To the hospital.
'Tis Monday, 'tisn't it? Apologies for the late missive. The wife had a day off from work, so today was family fun day. Nothing wrong with that, except for the resulting delayed blogging.
Anywho, this weekend was a jam-packed one. The cold snap finally broke, meaning that those out-of-door activities (such as shoveling, walking the dog, and generally not being inside) could resume. On Saturday, we hopped down to Burnsville (the town that's always on fire... with excitement!) to watch my little brother get married. Congrats to the happy couple! Sunday saw a return of errand-running and other assorted funnery that Friday could not handle. Today was just there for us to breathe.
Tomorrow? Why, tomorrow is a new day. A day that many will celebrate and some will rue. I'm excited not to see Obama become President, but to watch everyone else react to his Presidency. I'm not certain that Barack will be able to immediately change the world for the better, but those millions that think he can just might. I'll be watching intently.
Sadly, I should be off. I need to capitalize on these passing holiday hours whilst I still can. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
Sources: Obama may quickly reverse abortion policy
President-elect Barack Obama is considering issuing an executive order to reverse a controversial Bush administration abortion policy in his first week in office, three Democratic sources said Monday.
The sources said Obama may use the occasion to reverse the "Mexico City policy" reinstated in 2001 by Bush that prohibits U.S. money from funding international family planning groups that promote abortion or provide information, counseling or referrals about abortion services. It bans any organization receiving family planning funds from the U.S. Agency for International Development from offering abortions or abortion counseling.
Sources also say that Obama is considering other actions to reverse Bush's policies. He may, within his first one hundred days, reverse the upper-class tax cuts that Bush put into place during his Presidency. Obama is also thinking about an immediate withdrawal of troops from both Iraq and Afghanistan. Finally, Obama has been inquiring about the feasibilty of renaming all shrubbery "Baracks" and removing "W" from the American English accent, replacing it with a fist bump.
"It's time for the fistbump-orld to move on from Bush's reign of ineptitude," Obama said in a brief interview. "Come fistbump-ith me and live in hope once again."
Obama then flew out of the room and stopped an asteroid from crashing into Earth.
Huzzah!
Right from the snowy hill's peak
To the hospital.
'Tis Monday, 'tisn't it? Apologies for the late missive. The wife had a day off from work, so today was family fun day. Nothing wrong with that, except for the resulting delayed blogging.
Anywho, this weekend was a jam-packed one. The cold snap finally broke, meaning that those out-of-door activities (such as shoveling, walking the dog, and generally not being inside) could resume. On Saturday, we hopped down to Burnsville (the town that's always on fire... with excitement!) to watch my little brother get married. Congrats to the happy couple! Sunday saw a return of errand-running and other assorted funnery that Friday could not handle. Today was just there for us to breathe.
Tomorrow? Why, tomorrow is a new day. A day that many will celebrate and some will rue. I'm excited not to see Obama become President, but to watch everyone else react to his Presidency. I'm not certain that Barack will be able to immediately change the world for the better, but those millions that think he can just might. I'll be watching intently.
Sadly, I should be off. I need to capitalize on these passing holiday hours whilst I still can. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
Sources: Obama may quickly reverse abortion policy
President-elect Barack Obama is considering issuing an executive order to reverse a controversial Bush administration abortion policy in his first week in office, three Democratic sources said Monday.
The sources said Obama may use the occasion to reverse the "Mexico City policy" reinstated in 2001 by Bush that prohibits U.S. money from funding international family planning groups that promote abortion or provide information, counseling or referrals about abortion services. It bans any organization receiving family planning funds from the U.S. Agency for International Development from offering abortions or abortion counseling.
Sources also say that Obama is considering other actions to reverse Bush's policies. He may, within his first one hundred days, reverse the upper-class tax cuts that Bush put into place during his Presidency. Obama is also thinking about an immediate withdrawal of troops from both Iraq and Afghanistan. Finally, Obama has been inquiring about the feasibilty of renaming all shrubbery "Baracks" and removing "W" from the American English accent, replacing it with a fist bump.
"It's time for the fistbump-orld to move on from Bush's reign of ineptitude," Obama said in a brief interview. "Come fistbump-ith me and live in hope once again."
Obama then flew out of the room and stopped an asteroid from crashing into Earth.
Huzzah!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Caladutia!
If you don't learn from
History, you can play it
In video games.
Apologies for the lack of blogs this week. I had a writing deadline for the BNW, which meant that I had reschedule my missive-making time. Well, that's my excuse for the first half of the week. Thursday, being the first day with free time penciled in, was spent hanging with the kid and playing Call of Duty: World at War. It's not my fault - she really wanted to watch me reenact the greatest events of the greatest generation. Who am I to argue?
Anywho, whilst playing through Call of Duty, I started thinking about all of the WWII games I've played in the past, as well the many, many WWII games I have not and probably never will play. That, in turn, got me to thinking about what I really want to see in a WWII game. I believe it would be something like this:
Prepare to battle in the world's greatest war as history's greatest man: Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
The US has been bombed and Germany, Italy, and Japan are threatening to take over the world with their weather-controlling doomsday device. Freshly outfitted with a set of robot legs that can control time, FDR is sent (by himself!) on a slew of one-man missions to the western front, the Pacific theater, Siberia, Middle-Earth, Iowa, northern Africa, and the fourth dimension (which is overrun by werewolf-zombie-Nazi soldiers!)
You'll get help from sexy sidekick Douglas MacArthur, sexy assistant Winston Churchill, and sexy double-agent Eleanor Roosevelt, and you'll need it when fighting the epic no-holds-barred battles with Emperor "Hero"-hito (He's a man! He's a hoagie! He's a Moagie!), Mecha-Mussolini, and of course, Tyrannosaurus Hitler. Armed with only a Bowie knife, a bazooka, and a razor sharp wit, will FDR succeed in bringing peace to the world? Only you know that answer.
Oh man. Now I just need someone to make this game.
I should be off. Before I depart - if you happen to live in Chicago, then go see the BNW at Sketchfest this weekend. Yay!
No joke for today. I'm hoping that the rest of the post will fill your laugh quota for the day.
Huzzah?
History, you can play it
In video games.
Apologies for the lack of blogs this week. I had a writing deadline for the BNW, which meant that I had reschedule my missive-making time. Well, that's my excuse for the first half of the week. Thursday, being the first day with free time penciled in, was spent hanging with the kid and playing Call of Duty: World at War. It's not my fault - she really wanted to watch me reenact the greatest events of the greatest generation. Who am I to argue?
Anywho, whilst playing through Call of Duty, I started thinking about all of the WWII games I've played in the past, as well the many, many WWII games I have not and probably never will play. That, in turn, got me to thinking about what I really want to see in a WWII game. I believe it would be something like this:
Prepare to battle in the world's greatest war as history's greatest man: Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
The US has been bombed and Germany, Italy, and Japan are threatening to take over the world with their weather-controlling doomsday device. Freshly outfitted with a set of robot legs that can control time, FDR is sent (by himself!) on a slew of one-man missions to the western front, the Pacific theater, Siberia, Middle-Earth, Iowa, northern Africa, and the fourth dimension (which is overrun by werewolf-zombie-Nazi soldiers!)
You'll get help from sexy sidekick Douglas MacArthur, sexy assistant Winston Churchill, and sexy double-agent Eleanor Roosevelt, and you'll need it when fighting the epic no-holds-barred battles with Emperor "Hero"-hito (He's a man! He's a hoagie! He's a Moagie!), Mecha-Mussolini, and of course, Tyrannosaurus Hitler. Armed with only a Bowie knife, a bazooka, and a razor sharp wit, will FDR succeed in bringing peace to the world? Only you know that answer.
Oh man. Now I just need someone to make this game.
I should be off. Before I depart - if you happen to live in Chicago, then go see the BNW at Sketchfest this weekend. Yay!
No joke for today. I'm hoping that the rest of the post will fill your laugh quota for the day.
Huzzah?
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