The smell of old scotch
Floats heavily in the air:
A fog of regret.
It's not often one begins his or her day at a bar at 9 am on a Monday morning and yet, here I am. The BNW is at Stub and Herb's on the U campus filming video shorts. There's nothing quite like being in a college campus bar while the sun is still on its ascent in the sky. It makes me feel troubled.
There is a certain thing that happens when starting a day in a drinking establishment. I'm filled with this strange desire to toss back a few shots of whiskey and then go harass kids on an elementary school playground. There's also a part of me that wants to go into a bagel shop and demand only the freshest of bagels, removing a piece of clothing for each minute that I remain unsatisfied. I also want to cross against red lights. If you pick up the paper tomorrow and read about a string of misdemeanors throughout the Twin Cities, you'll know why.
Anywho, if you weren't aware, this past weekend was the weekend of the second annual TCIF. I don't know about you, but I had a blast every time I set foot in the theater. Kudos to Butch, Jill, Lauren, Dan, and everyone else involved in the festival. I can't wait for next year!
Well, I should be off. These lite beers aren't going to drink themselves. I'm not sure when tomorrow's missive will be posted as we have another day of filming planned. I'll try and post something up as early as possible.
Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
Obama to deliver 'major speech' on patriotism
Presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama plans to deliver what his campaign is calling a "major speech" Monday, centering around an issue he's been trying to highlight for months now: his patriotism.
The Illinois senator has been defending his patriotism ever since the days of Iowa when he was first criticized for not wearing a flag pin — which he now does much more frequently — and when false rumors began circulating that he did not say the Pledge of Allegiance.
A widely-distributed photo also seemed to show him failing to place his hand over his heart during a rendition of the National Anthem.
Senator Obama's speech on patriotism will discuss his thoughts on patriotism and what it means for the average American citizen. During the speech, he will have the American flag tattooed onto his right bicep. He will also have his nipples pierced with lapel pins. To close the event off, Obama will hop on his motorcycle and jump over sixty busses that are arranged in the shape of the original thirteen colonies.
"If the press doesn't recognize my patriotism after Monday," Obama said, "then I'll have to make it personal..."
Yay!
Tomorrow!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Frigidge!
The A/C's blasting
Like a tiny Arctic chill.
My nipples are hard.
Two days in a row? What fancy thing is this? 'Tis almost as though this were a daily blog! Bah!
I've found myself with a little more time this morning than has been afforded to me on any other weekday morning as of late. Sure, I could be spending this time sleeping, or playing the video console games, or working, but who needs any of that? The morning belongs to the blog. Who am I to challenge that?
Anywho, there are many exciting things to discuss in a one-sided, written sort of way. Let's begin!
- That Wall-E movie opens today. All of the critics are saying that it's "magical," "a jewel," "a gem," "the greatest movie ever made," and "borderline-artsy." I've seen a number of clips in the past few days and I'm inclined to agree with these critics. Wall-E looks to be unbelievably delightful. However, if you are in need of a good laugh, got to RottenTomatoes.com and find the reviews that pan Wall-E. The reviews, and the comments that follow, are pretty genius.
- It's raining and the high for today is only 80 degrees, which is a large change from the hot and humid weather from the past few days. Yet the air conditioning in the BNW lobby is set at a low 22 degrees. I should have brought a parka. Or learned how to adjust the thermostat. Or picked a seat that wasn't right below a vent. Oh well...
- TCIF went very well last night. I wasn't there, but I've heard nothing but great things. I will be taking in a set or nine tonight. I'll see you there!
- New Flavors for Addresses on the Web Are on the Way
Move over .com and .org. Get ready for a nearly infinite variety of new Web addresses ending in words like .perfume, .sports and .paris.
On Thursday the Internet’s main oversight agency approved the most sweeping changes to the network’s address system since its creation.
According to new rules unanimously passed by the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers, or Icann, at its meeting here, any company, organization or country will soon be able to apply for a new Web address extension, called a top-level domain.
That could smooth the way for Web addresses that end in city names, brands and generic words. It could also sow confusion in the minds of Web users, create a host of new ways to exploit the Web addressing system and start a wave of legal skirmishes over applications to register trademarks — .coke, for example.
There have already been several applications for "www.dot.dot," "www.amazon.comm," and "www.uhoh.yournevergoingtorememberthis." There has also been a huge increase in interest for Morse code web addresses, such as "www.dotdotdotdot_.dot."*
Huzzah!
Monday!
* - Someone's going to spend the time to figure this out. I'm certain of it. Who's it going to be?
Like a tiny Arctic chill.
My nipples are hard.
Two days in a row? What fancy thing is this? 'Tis almost as though this were a daily blog! Bah!
I've found myself with a little more time this morning than has been afforded to me on any other weekday morning as of late. Sure, I could be spending this time sleeping, or playing the video console games, or working, but who needs any of that? The morning belongs to the blog. Who am I to challenge that?
Anywho, there are many exciting things to discuss in a one-sided, written sort of way. Let's begin!
- That Wall-E movie opens today. All of the critics are saying that it's "magical," "a jewel," "a gem," "the greatest movie ever made," and "borderline-artsy." I've seen a number of clips in the past few days and I'm inclined to agree with these critics. Wall-E looks to be unbelievably delightful. However, if you are in need of a good laugh, got to RottenTomatoes.com and find the reviews that pan Wall-E. The reviews, and the comments that follow, are pretty genius.
- It's raining and the high for today is only 80 degrees, which is a large change from the hot and humid weather from the past few days. Yet the air conditioning in the BNW lobby is set at a low 22 degrees. I should have brought a parka. Or learned how to adjust the thermostat. Or picked a seat that wasn't right below a vent. Oh well...
- TCIF went very well last night. I wasn't there, but I've heard nothing but great things. I will be taking in a set or nine tonight. I'll see you there!
- New Flavors for Addresses on the Web Are on the Way
Move over .com and .org. Get ready for a nearly infinite variety of new Web addresses ending in words like .perfume, .sports and .paris.
On Thursday the Internet’s main oversight agency approved the most sweeping changes to the network’s address system since its creation.
According to new rules unanimously passed by the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers, or Icann, at its meeting here, any company, organization or country will soon be able to apply for a new Web address extension, called a top-level domain.
That could smooth the way for Web addresses that end in city names, brands and generic words. It could also sow confusion in the minds of Web users, create a host of new ways to exploit the Web addressing system and start a wave of legal skirmishes over applications to register trademarks — .coke, for example.
There have already been several applications for "www.dot.dot," "www.amazon.comm," and "www.uhoh.yournevergoingtorememberthis." There has also been a huge increase in interest for Morse code web addresses, such as "www.dotdotdotdot_.dot."*
Huzzah!
Monday!
* - Someone's going to spend the time to figure this out. I'm certain of it. Who's it going to be?
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Returnted!
The laugh festival
You've waited a whole year for:
It's TCIF!
Well, this week hasn't gotten any less busy, as you could probably tell from the complete lack of blogs. Apologies abound. It's been quite the few days. On the plus side, the up-coming BNW election show should be quite the hoot. We've been writing and re-writing some very funny things. I hope you can pencil us in on your schedule...
On to more important matters:
1) TCIF starts today. There are three shows tonight, a whole bunch of shows tomorrow and Saturday night, and a special TCIF Go Go on Sunday. Ferrari McSpeedy is performing Saturday at 7 pm with the Josh And Tamara Show, which features puppets. Puppets! How can that be anything but the best thing ever? At 8:30 on Saturday, the BNW performs with BASSPROV. As the kids say, "Hells yeah!" If you've never seen BASSPROV, then you've never had your head exploded by improvisation.
Sunday's TCIF Go Go features, amongst three other great groups, HUGE Theater. At last year's TCIF, HUGE had a life-changing set. Seriously. If you were there, then your life was probably changed. Will this year bring more of the same? You'll probably have to show up to find out.
There are also a ton of other really great shows to check out (Scram, PimpProv, Neutrino, a superduperspecial Five Man Job) so you might as well just grab a wad of cash and prepare to spend the weekend at the BNW.
2) The Pixies' album Doolittle has landed on Rock Band as part of the downloadable content. Things couldn't get much perfecter. If anyone needs to scream a little Crackity Jones, dial me up.
3) This new tv channel changer is, in a word, fantastic. These Storm Trooper high heels, on the other hand, are not.
4) Seriously. TCIF.
5) Minneapolis church takes gay pride service outside
Saying they don't want to go back in the closet, gay and lesbian Catholics and their supporters took their annual prayer service celebrating gay pride outdoors Wednesday night.
About 100 people marched from the parking lot to the front of St. Joan of Arc Catholic Church in south Minneapolis, where they celebrated a service officials from the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis had banned from the church itself.
"There's some outrage over the archdiocese's decision," said Marianne Duddy-Burke, executive director of DignityUSA, a national organization for gay Catholics. "But people are excited that the gay pride service continued."
However, some protesters were concerned that the service was taking place outside. Said one anonymous protester, "I was actually ok with the service taking place indoors. I mean what if it had rained? Could you imagine what would happen they all got wet, and all that gay had gotten mixed into the rain water and run off into the rivers and lakes? The fish would turn gay, and probably the deer too. Then I might accidentally eat that gay fish or deer, and then I'd be gay. That's how it works, right?"
Huzzah!
Tomorrow!
You've waited a whole year for:
It's TCIF!
Well, this week hasn't gotten any less busy, as you could probably tell from the complete lack of blogs. Apologies abound. It's been quite the few days. On the plus side, the up-coming BNW election show should be quite the hoot. We've been writing and re-writing some very funny things. I hope you can pencil us in on your schedule...
On to more important matters:
1) TCIF starts today. There are three shows tonight, a whole bunch of shows tomorrow and Saturday night, and a special TCIF Go Go on Sunday. Ferrari McSpeedy is performing Saturday at 7 pm with the Josh And Tamara Show, which features puppets. Puppets! How can that be anything but the best thing ever? At 8:30 on Saturday, the BNW performs with BASSPROV. As the kids say, "Hells yeah!" If you've never seen BASSPROV, then you've never had your head exploded by improvisation.
Sunday's TCIF Go Go features, amongst three other great groups, HUGE Theater. At last year's TCIF, HUGE had a life-changing set. Seriously. If you were there, then your life was probably changed. Will this year bring more of the same? You'll probably have to show up to find out.
There are also a ton of other really great shows to check out (Scram, PimpProv, Neutrino, a superduperspecial Five Man Job) so you might as well just grab a wad of cash and prepare to spend the weekend at the BNW.
2) The Pixies' album Doolittle has landed on Rock Band as part of the downloadable content. Things couldn't get much perfecter. If anyone needs to scream a little Crackity Jones, dial me up.
3) This new tv channel changer is, in a word, fantastic. These Storm Trooper high heels, on the other hand, are not.
4) Seriously. TCIF.
5) Minneapolis church takes gay pride service outside
Saying they don't want to go back in the closet, gay and lesbian Catholics and their supporters took their annual prayer service celebrating gay pride outdoors Wednesday night.
About 100 people marched from the parking lot to the front of St. Joan of Arc Catholic Church in south Minneapolis, where they celebrated a service officials from the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis had banned from the church itself.
"There's some outrage over the archdiocese's decision," said Marianne Duddy-Burke, executive director of DignityUSA, a national organization for gay Catholics. "But people are excited that the gay pride service continued."
However, some protesters were concerned that the service was taking place outside. Said one anonymous protester, "I was actually ok with the service taking place indoors. I mean what if it had rained? Could you imagine what would happen they all got wet, and all that gay had gotten mixed into the rain water and run off into the rivers and lakes? The fish would turn gay, and probably the deer too. Then I might accidentally eat that gay fish or deer, and then I'd be gay. That's how it works, right?"
Huzzah!
Tomorrow!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Postuary!
Never-ending nights,
Afternoons of timelessness,
Thank you, Viagra.
The trend from last week continues: my free time (read: blogging time) has been swallowed up and digested by sketch-writing and home-repair. That means that this entire week might be a wash in regards to daily missives. Sure, I'll try to post a poem and a joke when I have a chance, but those chances may be few and far between. As far as witty (or not) observations of the world around me, well, those will simply have to wait.
I will, however, take a moment to remind you, lovely reader, that the Twin Cities Improv Festival is right around the corner. This weekend shall be filled to the brim with improvisational goodness from the four corners of the nation. I'll be involved with Ferrari McSpeedy and the BNW (shows on Saturday night!) as well as HUGE Theater (Sunday!) You can get tickets here if you like to buy things ahead of time. It's fun to buy things ahead of time. Give it a shot. I think you'll like it.
Anywho, I should be off. I need to rewrite a sketch whilst mowing the back yard. Expect the next blog from the hospital.
Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
Candy a sweet spot in sour economy
Like a lot of people, Nate Towne is cutting back on spending. He's carpooling to work and only shops at grocery stores that take coupons or offer discount "rewards" cards.
But even in this economy, he remains a self-described "candy snob."
"I'm serious when I say I'll pay a premium for my top favorites because in the grand scheme of things, it's only a few bucks," says Towne, a 37-year-old public relations consultant in Madison, Wis.
He's not the only one who's stuck on candy. Americans buy billions of dollars worth of the stuff each year — with more than $29 billion in retail sales in 2007, according to the National Confectioners Association. That's about a 3 percent increase from the previous year.
"It's all we have," says Jim Tillotson, professor of food policy and international business at Tufts University's Fletcher School. "Dear sweet God, a little escapism in the form of a Hershey's Kiss or a box of Mike and Ike's is the only thing keeping the lot of us from ending it all right now. What have we come to? Why?! Why?!?!"
Tillotson then lit a candy cigarette and cried himself to sleep.
Huzzah?
Tomorrow!(?)
Afternoons of timelessness,
Thank you, Viagra.
The trend from last week continues: my free time (read: blogging time) has been swallowed up and digested by sketch-writing and home-repair. That means that this entire week might be a wash in regards to daily missives. Sure, I'll try to post a poem and a joke when I have a chance, but those chances may be few and far between. As far as witty (or not) observations of the world around me, well, those will simply have to wait.
I will, however, take a moment to remind you, lovely reader, that the Twin Cities Improv Festival is right around the corner. This weekend shall be filled to the brim with improvisational goodness from the four corners of the nation. I'll be involved with Ferrari McSpeedy and the BNW (shows on Saturday night!) as well as HUGE Theater (Sunday!) You can get tickets here if you like to buy things ahead of time. It's fun to buy things ahead of time. Give it a shot. I think you'll like it.
Anywho, I should be off. I need to rewrite a sketch whilst mowing the back yard. Expect the next blog from the hospital.
Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
Candy a sweet spot in sour economy
Like a lot of people, Nate Towne is cutting back on spending. He's carpooling to work and only shops at grocery stores that take coupons or offer discount "rewards" cards.
But even in this economy, he remains a self-described "candy snob."
"I'm serious when I say I'll pay a premium for my top favorites because in the grand scheme of things, it's only a few bucks," says Towne, a 37-year-old public relations consultant in Madison, Wis.
He's not the only one who's stuck on candy. Americans buy billions of dollars worth of the stuff each year — with more than $29 billion in retail sales in 2007, according to the National Confectioners Association. That's about a 3 percent increase from the previous year.
"It's all we have," says Jim Tillotson, professor of food policy and international business at Tufts University's Fletcher School. "Dear sweet God, a little escapism in the form of a Hershey's Kiss or a box of Mike and Ike's is the only thing keeping the lot of us from ending it all right now. What have we come to? Why?! Why?!?!"
Tillotson then lit a candy cigarette and cried himself to sleep.
Huzzah?
Tomorrow!(?)
Friday, June 20, 2008
Pokem!
Another Friday
Of warm sun-shining sweetness
It looks nice out there.
There's a common theme to this week's schedule: it has continuously left me with little time for myself. That, of course, means, that I have even littler time for the blog. I'd like to say something like, "Don't worry, next week will be better!" but that would be nothing more than a lie. An untruthful lie.
Anywho, today's missive is non-existent. However, Today's Joke is quite existent:
Rybak pushing all U.S. cities away from bottled water
Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak and other mayors from around the country are urging all U.S. cities to stop spending tax money on bottled water, and instead drink from the tap.
A resolution to that effect has been written and will be presented Saturday in the Environment Committee of the U.S. Conference of Mayors meeting in Miami.
The resolution, submitted by Rybak and the mayors of 14 other cities, cites a host of reasons why cities should use their own municipal water, rather than bottled water.
Coca-Cola, Pepsi and the American Beverage Association have all increased their lobbying against the campaign away from bottled water. Last year, Coca-Cola and the association passed out fliers at the Conference of Mayors that argued against a resolution to study the impact of bottled water on municipal waste. This year, they've taken more extreme measures, including filling the homes of those at the conference with plastic bottles, poisoning the tap water of U.S. cities involved in the resolution, and leaving the severed heads of local water commissioners in the mayors' beds.
Hooray!
Monday!
Of warm sun-shining sweetness
It looks nice out there.
There's a common theme to this week's schedule: it has continuously left me with little time for myself. That, of course, means, that I have even littler time for the blog. I'd like to say something like, "Don't worry, next week will be better!" but that would be nothing more than a lie. An untruthful lie.
Anywho, today's missive is non-existent. However, Today's Joke is quite existent:
Rybak pushing all U.S. cities away from bottled water
Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak and other mayors from around the country are urging all U.S. cities to stop spending tax money on bottled water, and instead drink from the tap.
A resolution to that effect has been written and will be presented Saturday in the Environment Committee of the U.S. Conference of Mayors meeting in Miami.
The resolution, submitted by Rybak and the mayors of 14 other cities, cites a host of reasons why cities should use their own municipal water, rather than bottled water.
Coca-Cola, Pepsi and the American Beverage Association have all increased their lobbying against the campaign away from bottled water. Last year, Coca-Cola and the association passed out fliers at the Conference of Mayors that argued against a resolution to study the impact of bottled water on municipal waste. This year, they've taken more extreme measures, including filling the homes of those at the conference with plastic bottles, poisoning the tap water of U.S. cities involved in the resolution, and leaving the severed heads of local water commissioners in the mayors' beds.
Hooray!
Monday!
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