With a power saw
I cut up some two by fours,
Then I start bleeding.
Apologies for the lack of missives this week. We've been tearing down and rebuilding the BNW stage, and I found myself at the end of each day blog-less. The good news is that if you come in and see the stage now, you'll be quite surprised at the changes we've made. Surprised... and delighted. Granted, we're not done with it. Not yet at least. Soon, however. Soon.
Anywho, it's been quite the week. Last Friday, if I remember correctly, was the Fourth of July. The holiday was celebrated by cramming thirty-eight friends and family members into my backyard and cooking for them. Also, there were fireworks.
Saturday and Sunday each had a bit of BNW work in them. The wife and I also took in a showing of Son of Rambow om Sunday night. It's an independent film about a couple of British boys that become enamored with First Blood and decide to make a movie about Rambo's kid. It's adorable. Almost too adorable. FOTI.
Monday and Tuesday were both spent in the theater. On Monday, I covered myself in black paint. Yesterday I covered myself in red paint. Today I'm hoping to go paintless. It shouldn't be too hard to do that, as I'm not scheduled to paint anything today. Instead, we're putting this up-coming BNW election show onto its feet. With my luck, however, I'll somehow get doused with a gallon of blue semi-gloss.
Well, that's the re-cap of the past few days. I've got to get a few scripts in order before this rehearsal starts up. Tomorrow, I'm hoping to have a little extra free time for a super blog. Fingers are crossed that my hopes will materialize.
Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
Scams use dead doctors' IDs
Medicare scammers using the identities of hundreds of dead doctors in Minnesota and across the nation have bilked the government for an estimated $100 million over the past decade, according to a congressional report.
Using the ID numbers of deceased doctors, sometimes more than 15 years after they died, fraud artists have been able to treat Medicare like an ATM, making withdrawals at will, according to federal investigators.
The investigators were tipped off after seeing a number of prescriptions for medical marijuana from Hippocrates.
Hey!
Tomorrow!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Crirefacks!
At the sky's apex
A brilliant flash of colors:
Freedom's orgasm.
Tomorrow, America will explode in a celebration of America. It's a yearly occurrence and, frankly, one of the finest skills America has: celebrating itself to almost dangerous levels. As per the tradition, I shall be bar-be-quing, watching fireworks, and most likely lighting a few bottle rockets of my own off. It's as American as wrapping yourself in a flag and playing baseball with an apple pie and a pipe made of US steel.
I, for one, couldn't be happier about the holiday weekend. The weather forecast looks great, I've got a package of turkey hot dogs just waiting to be grilled, and I should be able to spend the next three days away from the old computer. This last item is the most essential, as the old computer has been nothing but a source of anxiety this week. You see, there's a little electronic gaming expo coming in a couple of weeks. At this expo, video game companies will release information about things that I like: video games. The next iteration of Rock Band, the return of Tecmo Bowl and some "major announcements" from Nintendo have all been rumored to be at E3. Therein lies the issue: these weeks leading up to the expo are laden with rumors, and there's nothing worse than a video game rumor. As soon as the rumor is posted, hearts begin racing, forums fill with wild speculation and dreams are born only to be shattered at a later date. It's a lot like pundit-filled political news shows, except geekier.
Sure, in these weeks before E3 I could just not visit the web sites that post these rumors. However, my computer is programmed to go directly to these sites as soon as I leave it idle for more than twenty seconds. These rumors are inescapable as long as I sit in front of the monitor. That's why this weekend holds so much promise - I might be able to tear myself away from the computer and see this world with rumor-free eyes.
Maybe.
Anywho, that doesn't start until tomorrow. Today shall be filled with unsubstantiated posts on various message boards about how Bubble Bobble's Bob and Bub are going to make a return this fall in an action-packed, blood-filled first-person shooter/puzzle game.
I should be off. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
U.S. Economy: Employers Cut Payrolls for Sixth Straight Month
U.S. employers cut jobs for a sixth straight month and service industries shrank in June, signaling that the economic slowdown may deepen as the impact of federal tax rebates fades.
Payrolls fell by 62,000 after a 62,000 drop in May that was greater than first reported, the Labor Department said today in Washington. The unemployment rate held at 5.5 percent after soaring the most in two decades in May. The Institute for Supply Management's non-manufacturing index sank to a five-month low.
Falling employment and record gasoline prices have lead experts to start looking at new ways to solve the nation's economic crisis. Some scientists at Ford have designed a new automobile engine that runs on the liquefied remains of the unemployed. The small town Randolph, Vermont, has instituted a complete ban on cars, requiring those on unemployment to earn their keep by giving productive members of the city piggy-back rides to and from their work.
"It's a time for innovation," said one Randolph resident from atop a forty-seven year-old unemployed man. "You've got to ride or be ridden. Tonight, I ride!"
Huzzah!
Happy birthday, America.
Monday!
A brilliant flash of colors:
Freedom's orgasm.
Tomorrow, America will explode in a celebration of America. It's a yearly occurrence and, frankly, one of the finest skills America has: celebrating itself to almost dangerous levels. As per the tradition, I shall be bar-be-quing, watching fireworks, and most likely lighting a few bottle rockets of my own off. It's as American as wrapping yourself in a flag and playing baseball with an apple pie and a pipe made of US steel.
I, for one, couldn't be happier about the holiday weekend. The weather forecast looks great, I've got a package of turkey hot dogs just waiting to be grilled, and I should be able to spend the next three days away from the old computer. This last item is the most essential, as the old computer has been nothing but a source of anxiety this week. You see, there's a little electronic gaming expo coming in a couple of weeks. At this expo, video game companies will release information about things that I like: video games. The next iteration of Rock Band, the return of Tecmo Bowl and some "major announcements" from Nintendo have all been rumored to be at E3. Therein lies the issue: these weeks leading up to the expo are laden with rumors, and there's nothing worse than a video game rumor. As soon as the rumor is posted, hearts begin racing, forums fill with wild speculation and dreams are born only to be shattered at a later date. It's a lot like pundit-filled political news shows, except geekier.
Sure, in these weeks before E3 I could just not visit the web sites that post these rumors. However, my computer is programmed to go directly to these sites as soon as I leave it idle for more than twenty seconds. These rumors are inescapable as long as I sit in front of the monitor. That's why this weekend holds so much promise - I might be able to tear myself away from the computer and see this world with rumor-free eyes.
Maybe.
Anywho, that doesn't start until tomorrow. Today shall be filled with unsubstantiated posts on various message boards about how Bubble Bobble's Bob and Bub are going to make a return this fall in an action-packed, blood-filled first-person shooter/puzzle game.
I should be off. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
U.S. Economy: Employers Cut Payrolls for Sixth Straight Month
U.S. employers cut jobs for a sixth straight month and service industries shrank in June, signaling that the economic slowdown may deepen as the impact of federal tax rebates fades.
Payrolls fell by 62,000 after a 62,000 drop in May that was greater than first reported, the Labor Department said today in Washington. The unemployment rate held at 5.5 percent after soaring the most in two decades in May. The Institute for Supply Management's non-manufacturing index sank to a five-month low.
Falling employment and record gasoline prices have lead experts to start looking at new ways to solve the nation's economic crisis. Some scientists at Ford have designed a new automobile engine that runs on the liquefied remains of the unemployed. The small town Randolph, Vermont, has instituted a complete ban on cars, requiring those on unemployment to earn their keep by giving productive members of the city piggy-back rides to and from their work.
"It's a time for innovation," said one Randolph resident from atop a forty-seven year-old unemployed man. "You've got to ride or be ridden. Tonight, I ride!"
Huzzah!
Happy birthday, America.
Monday!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Etchelon!
I pull the trigger
And the laser hits its mark
Leaving a peep hole.
Today's haiku is brought to you by laser tattoos. As a man of the late twentieth century, I of course have adorned my epidermis with ink and pain. I currently have two tattoos and have designs on a third. The saying goes that once you get one tattoo, the desire to get more becomes almost overwhelming. Sadly, when I received my first two tattoos, I had trouble with the process of having a tiny needle stick into my skin repeatedly. The need to see my breakfast back on the table after ingestion is negligible, and I don't foresee myself overcoming that correlation anytime soon. Laser etching, though it seems painful, is at least fast. I imagine I'd be able to finish a design or two before mouth-voiding my last meal. If I can get my hands on one of these things, then expect to see the entirety of the first generation Transformers on my chest in the coming weeks.
For those of you that aren't interesting in scarring your body either temporarily or permanently, then perhaps you might enjoy a new hairstyle. Express your inner animal via a carnivorous coiffure.
Anywho, I should be off. I've got to find a good picture of Jetfire. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
CHP hands out 15 cell-phone citations in county Tuesday
California Highway Patrol officer Grant Boles says enthusiasm for patrolling is what got him into law enforcement. That includes patrolling for violators of the new cell phone law.
"I've seen numerous fatalities caused by distracted drivers," he said Tuesday, the day the new law prohibiting use of a cell phone while driving without a hands-free device went into effect. "We support any law that keeps people focused on the roads."
CHP officers issued 15 citations to cell phone users in the county Tuesday. Overall, officers were more impressed by the levels of compliance with the new law than disappointed by the number of scofflaws, Boles said.
However, the new law has brought a new unexpected danger to the streets of California. Boles recalled several instances in which a car passed by with no driver visible through the window. "It seems as though people are ducking under the dashboard to take calls. That's probably not good."
Initial reports show a three thousand percent increase in the number of accidents caused by drivers tucked under the steering wheel of their cars.
"People will go a long way to not get caught breaking the law," Boles said.
Yay!
Tomorrow!
Psst! Thanks to Alicia for the hairdo link!
And the laser hits its mark
Leaving a peep hole.
Today's haiku is brought to you by laser tattoos. As a man of the late twentieth century, I of course have adorned my epidermis with ink and pain. I currently have two tattoos and have designs on a third. The saying goes that once you get one tattoo, the desire to get more becomes almost overwhelming. Sadly, when I received my first two tattoos, I had trouble with the process of having a tiny needle stick into my skin repeatedly. The need to see my breakfast back on the table after ingestion is negligible, and I don't foresee myself overcoming that correlation anytime soon. Laser etching, though it seems painful, is at least fast. I imagine I'd be able to finish a design or two before mouth-voiding my last meal. If I can get my hands on one of these things, then expect to see the entirety of the first generation Transformers on my chest in the coming weeks.
For those of you that aren't interesting in scarring your body either temporarily or permanently, then perhaps you might enjoy a new hairstyle. Express your inner animal via a carnivorous coiffure.
Anywho, I should be off. I've got to find a good picture of Jetfire. Before I depart, here's Today's Joke:
CHP hands out 15 cell-phone citations in county Tuesday
California Highway Patrol officer Grant Boles says enthusiasm for patrolling is what got him into law enforcement. That includes patrolling for violators of the new cell phone law.
"I've seen numerous fatalities caused by distracted drivers," he said Tuesday, the day the new law prohibiting use of a cell phone while driving without a hands-free device went into effect. "We support any law that keeps people focused on the roads."
CHP officers issued 15 citations to cell phone users in the county Tuesday. Overall, officers were more impressed by the levels of compliance with the new law than disappointed by the number of scofflaws, Boles said.
However, the new law has brought a new unexpected danger to the streets of California. Boles recalled several instances in which a car passed by with no driver visible through the window. "It seems as though people are ducking under the dashboard to take calls. That's probably not good."
Initial reports show a three thousand percent increase in the number of accidents caused by drivers tucked under the steering wheel of their cars.
"People will go a long way to not get caught breaking the law," Boles said.
Yay!
Tomorrow!
Psst! Thanks to Alicia for the hairdo link!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Idleator!
A light gust of wind
Blows my calendar away
And frees up my day.
I know that my last missive mentioned a busy schedule and a doubtful amount of blogging time for today. It turns out that my warning was nothing more than a false alarm, as my day-time obligations wrapped themselves up before 9 am. It was an unexpected surprise that has left me with most of a morning and an entire afternoon to enjoy the finer things in life. I'm fairly certain that walking the dog and mowing the lawn will most likely become those "finer things." I can deal with that.
In other news, we've found ourselves in the mighty month of July. In just a few days, we'll be celebrating our nation's independence by wearing Old Navy t-shirts and putting our limbs and digits in immediate danger. My neighbors have already taken to waking up at 2 am to practice their firework-lighting skills. They're getting very good at it. Last night, they lit off at least a thousand firecrackers within a twenty minute span. That's a skill you just can't learn from a textbook. I'm not sure if there's some sort of contest going on for causing the most noise pollution, but if there is, I'm positive that my neighborhood is going to win.
Anywho, I should be off. It looks nice outside. I might try and sample some of this "sunlight" that I've heard so much about. I also have to clean the spent bottle rockets from my yard, roof, trees and lawn decorations. Before I depart, however:
- A quick rant: Yesterday's Pioneer Press ran a story on the front page about the winner of the US Women's Open over the weekend (go Inbee Park!) The story focused on Park's age, as the nineteen-year-old became the next in a string of young golfers winning LPGA tournaments.
To emphasize this point, the headline that ran with the story read "Never to young to win."
I understand that the English language is difficult. Hell, I constantly mix verb tenses, construct run-on sentences and misspell common words. Nobody's perfect. However, if you purport to be the main newspaper for a major city, you should have a better handle on the differences between "to" and "too." That extra "o" is what separates a major newspaper from the incoherent written ramblings of a third-grader.
Rant over.
- Today's Joke!
AT&T will sell new version of iPhone without service contract but it will cost $400 extra
AT&T Inc. will sell the new version of the iPhone without a service contract for $400 more than the price with a two-year plan, a break from the rules set when Apple Inc.'s popular touch-screen gadget debuted last year.
Two new models of iPhones go on sale July 11 for $199 and $299, depending on the amount of memory, with two-year AT&T contracts. The no-contract versions will cost $599 and $699 and will be sold sometime "in the future," AT&T said.
Besides being free from contracts, the higher-priced phones will also come with crowns for the buyer to wear, letting everyone around them know that they have the iPhone and they paid as much as possible for it.
Meanwhile, the old version of the iPhone, which debuted last year at $599 with a two-year contract, will soon be available for a nickel and a song.
Hoorah!
Tomorrow!
Blows my calendar away
And frees up my day.
I know that my last missive mentioned a busy schedule and a doubtful amount of blogging time for today. It turns out that my warning was nothing more than a false alarm, as my day-time obligations wrapped themselves up before 9 am. It was an unexpected surprise that has left me with most of a morning and an entire afternoon to enjoy the finer things in life. I'm fairly certain that walking the dog and mowing the lawn will most likely become those "finer things." I can deal with that.
In other news, we've found ourselves in the mighty month of July. In just a few days, we'll be celebrating our nation's independence by wearing Old Navy t-shirts and putting our limbs and digits in immediate danger. My neighbors have already taken to waking up at 2 am to practice their firework-lighting skills. They're getting very good at it. Last night, they lit off at least a thousand firecrackers within a twenty minute span. That's a skill you just can't learn from a textbook. I'm not sure if there's some sort of contest going on for causing the most noise pollution, but if there is, I'm positive that my neighborhood is going to win.
Anywho, I should be off. It looks nice outside. I might try and sample some of this "sunlight" that I've heard so much about. I also have to clean the spent bottle rockets from my yard, roof, trees and lawn decorations. Before I depart, however:
- A quick rant: Yesterday's Pioneer Press ran a story on the front page about the winner of the US Women's Open over the weekend (go Inbee Park!) The story focused on Park's age, as the nineteen-year-old became the next in a string of young golfers winning LPGA tournaments.
To emphasize this point, the headline that ran with the story read "Never to young to win."
I understand that the English language is difficult. Hell, I constantly mix verb tenses, construct run-on sentences and misspell common words. Nobody's perfect. However, if you purport to be the main newspaper for a major city, you should have a better handle on the differences between "to" and "too." That extra "o" is what separates a major newspaper from the incoherent written ramblings of a third-grader.
Rant over.
- Today's Joke!
AT&T will sell new version of iPhone without service contract but it will cost $400 extra
AT&T Inc. will sell the new version of the iPhone without a service contract for $400 more than the price with a two-year plan, a break from the rules set when Apple Inc.'s popular touch-screen gadget debuted last year.
Two new models of iPhones go on sale July 11 for $199 and $299, depending on the amount of memory, with two-year AT&T contracts. The no-contract versions will cost $599 and $699 and will be sold sometime "in the future," AT&T said.
Besides being free from contracts, the higher-priced phones will also come with crowns for the buyer to wear, letting everyone around them know that they have the iPhone and they paid as much as possible for it.
Meanwhile, the old version of the iPhone, which debuted last year at $599 with a two-year contract, will soon be available for a nickel and a song.
Hoorah!
Tomorrow!
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